Begin Again
by aannikaa
Summary: Jily drabble inspired by Begin Again by Tswift
**A/N:** This is also posted on my tumblr **ohdeerjily**

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 _Took a deep breath in the mirror / He didn't like it when I wore high heels / But I do_

Lily took a deep breath and glanced at her reflection one last time in the full length mirror Marlene had propped against the dormitory wall. Her red hair was pulled back in a long plait, with a few escaped wisps curling around her face. Her green eyes stood out against her white jumper and black skirt. Lily took a step back, reveling in the sharp click her heeled boots made against the floor. She had just begun wearing the boots again. Severus had never liked it when she wore heels; it irritated him that sometimes she would appear taller than him. Lily shook her head to dispel any thoughts of her ex-best friend. She stood straight and squared her shoulders, looking her reflection dead in the eye and smiling.

 _Turn the lock and put my headphones on / He always said he didn't get this song / But I do, I do_

Lily snatched her cloak out of the heavy trunk next to her bed and walked towards the dormitory door. Before she left, she hesitated for a moment, eyeing the enchanted record player in the corner from which Paul McCartney's voice trickled. She really ought to shut the thing off, the others were already in Hogsmeade with their dates. And anyways, Lily thought bitterly, this song depressed her. She had loved it when she had first heard it, but even now Severus' sneering face came back to her, accompanied by his familiar hiss "I don't know why you listen to such silly trash."

Lily stiffened at the memory and set her jaw before turning abruptly and flinging the door open. She marched down the spiral staircase to the tune of Hello, Goodbye.

 _Walked in expecting you'd be late / But you got here early and you stand and wave / I walk to you_

Lily's stomach turned as she walked towards the Three Broomsticks. This was a mistake, a terrible, terrible mistake. What was she doing meeting James Potter in Hogsmeade? True, it wasn't a date, but still, just because all their friends were on dates did not mean she was obligated in any way to spend the afternoon with him.

But she had promised Marlene she would try and get to know Potter this year, and she had gone through all the trouble of looking presentable. It seemed a pity to waste a rare weekday Hogsmeade trip.

Lily pushed open the heavy front door to the bar and scanned around for an empty table. She didn't expect James to be there already. He was almost never on time to class, she didn't expect him to be on time for something as silly as meeting her for a butterbeer because neither of them had managed to find a date.

The bar was crowded and Lily had just begun to worry she wouldn't be able to find a table when a shock of dark hair caught her eye. She raised her eyebrows as she turned and saw James standing awkwardly next to a table in the corner, waving to get her attention. Without thinking about it, Lily raised her hand and returned the wave, her cheeks flushing as she did so. She took a deep breath to calm her racing nerves. Why was she nervous? It was only Potter. No one important. When her heart rate slowed she tentatively put a foot forward and walked over to him.

 _You pull my chair out and help me in / And you don't know how nice that is / But I do_

"Hi," he said when she reached the table. He grinned nervously at her and ran a hand through his hair.

"Hi," she answered, smiling involuntarily at his nerves. It was oddly endearing to see James Potter flustered.

"Er, you want to sit?" he asked, stepping around the table and pulling out a chair, gesturing for her to take a seat.

"Oh, er, yes. Thank you," Lily mumbled, sinking into the seat. James' hands, which gripped the back of the chair, brushed her shoulder.

"Let me take your cloak," James said, putting a hand to her shoulder and helping her out of the thick cloak.

"Thanks," Lily whispered, turning around and giving him a small smile.

James shrugged. "Just what's expected," he said with a nervous, tight-lipped smile.

Lily nodded and said nothing. He didn't know, he really didn't know how nice it was to have someone pull a chair out and take her cloak. Nobody had ever done that for her before. And here was James Potter, not only doing it but shrugging it off as though it meant nothing. Heat crept back into Lily's face and she shook her head as James sat across from her and grinned.

 _And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid / I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did / I've been spending the last eight months / Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end / But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again_

Lily pushed her third empty butterbeer glass away from her and wiped a tear from her eye. James sat back, his face red from laughter. He had just finished telling her about the time in third year when he and Sirius had enchanted all Mrs. Potter's good china to follow her around singing pub songs. Lily's sides ached from laughing so hard and her raucous giggles set James off chuckling again as he watched her amusedly.

"You're funny, Evans," he said, as though it were a surprising thing.

"You're not too dull either, Potter," she said, flashing him a smile and motioning to Madame Rosmerta to bring them two more butterbeers. It felt odd to be with someone, a boy no less, who thought she was funny and told her so. Severus never understood the funny stories Lily recounted to him; he had always deigned to listen to her tales of her Gryffindor friends and their mischief.

But here was James, baldly describing all the pranks he and Sirius had plotted, and all the mishaps that went with them.

It seemed odd to Lily that it could be this easy, that she could just sit here for an hour with another person, drinking butterbeer and tell funny stories, and enjoy herself so fully. Ever since that terrible June day last year when Severus had called her that word—she shuddered at the memory—ever since then she had felt that everything only led to sadness, to emptiness, to pain. But somehow, happiness could be found in something so simple as sitting in the Three Broomsticks with James Potter on a Wednesday in the middle of February, listening to him talk about singing teapots.

 _You said you never met one girl / Who had as many James Taylor records as you / But I do / We tell stories and you don't know why / I'm coming off a little shy / But I do_

Madame Rosmerta brought them their butterbeers and Lily took a long pull, letting the liquid warm her from the inside out. She set down the mug and found James looking at her strangely, his hazel eyes lit up in fascination as he contemplated her.

"Have I got something on my face?" Lily asked nervously, reaching for a napkin and dabbing around her mouth, hoping she didn't have a foam mustache.

"No," James said, his eyebrows knitting together. "It's just—well, you seem a bit, I dunno, quieter today than you usually are."

"Oh," Lily paused, caught off guard by his answer. Of course, to him it would seem strange she was content to sit and listen to him talk for over an hour, considering up until now she usually didn't let him get five words in. "Well," she shifted uncomfortably in her seat before raising her eyes to meet his. Heat stained her face as she floundered for words. "It's just—I just enjoy listening to your stories."

"Really?" James asked, perking up. His eyebrows raised in surprise and his mouth curled into a boyish grin that made Lily want to stand up and hug him. "I thought I was boring you," he said, giving her a sheepish smile.

Lily flushed darker and shook her head, keeping her eyes on her butterbeer. "Never," she murmured.

 _But you throw your head back laughing like a little kid / I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did_

James resumed his stories, his boyish smile returning full force every time Lily threw her head back in laughter. He asked her questions about herself too, and she found herself telling her own stories, though hers involved much less magic. She told him about the game she and Petunia used to play down at the pond, and how one time she had tried to imitate a swan and gotten chased about by a goose. James roared with laughter, his hazel eyes shining and his cheeks flushing.

Lily couldn't believe how much she was enjoying herself. She couldn't remember the last time she had enjoyed another person's company so much. Not since she had been friends with Severus. But something about James' loud, rumbling laugh eclipsed even her happiest memories with Sev.

 _I've been spending the last eight months / Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end / But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again_

The afternoon light faded and Lily pushed her fifth butterbeer glass away, declaring she couldn't possibly drink anymore.

James smirked at her and nodded, saying something about how she had already distinguished herself and maybe they'd best not come back for a bit.

Lily leaned across the table and smacked him on the chest, grinning stupidly as she did so. She had barely been listening to James, really. She had been too busy sorting through her thoughts and reconciling the dark emptiness which had plagued her since her fallout with her best friend and this new feeling, this light, buoyant happiness which coursed through her every time James flashed her that stupid smile. Maybe, she thought, just maybe, not everything had to end badly.

 _And we walked down the block to my car and I almost brought him up / But you start to talk about the movies that your family / Watches / Every single Christmas and I want to talk about that / And for the first time what's past is past_

James paid the tab, swatting away Lily's hand as she tried to shove money at him.

"Gentlemen pay," he said firmly, catching her wrist lightly and smirking as she glared at him.

"I get to pay next time then," Lily huffed.

James stared at her for a moment and smiled, releasing her hand. "Alright," he agreed, shoving his hand in his pocket. His face stayed in a grin and Lily stared for several seconds before it dawned on her why.

They hadn't yet agreed that there would be a next time.

James opened the door for her and they exited the pub together, walking up the street towards Hogwarts. They talked about their families and James' upcoming birthday. Lily poked him in the ribs, calling him "Baby James" while he scowled and pretended to swat her in the head.

It came on suddenly, an overwhelming urge to ask him about that horrible day by the lake last June, when James had taunted Severus and Severus had called her that word. Lily turned to James and opened her mouth, meaning to tell him that it was alright, she wasn't angry with him anymore, it wasn't his fault.

She caught sight of his face, open and boyish and free of cares and she closed her mouth. James reached out and absently caught her hand in his, leading her up the street towards the castle. And Lily knew she would never say those words; she didn't have to. James squeezed her hand and she knew he understood without her having to explain. The past was the past.

 _'Cause you throw your head back laughing like a little kid / I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did / I've been spending the last eight months / Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end / But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again_

They spent the remainder of the walk to the castle chattering. Lily could hardly believe that just a few hours ago she had stood in the dormitory, wondering whether or not to even go through with the plan to meet James at the pub. Neither of them remembered that their friends had nearly forced them to meet up, to get to know each other; neither of them really cared. Lily had quite forgotten why exactly she had disliked James so much for the past five years. Oh yes, because of Severus.

But really, Lily reflected as her fingers tangled with James', Severus was in her past. She had made that very clear to him, and now she was beginning to make it clear to herself; he was no longer her best friend, he no longer held any weight with who she chose to spend time with. And James…she wouldn't mind James being in the future.

 _But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again_

Lily and James strolled through the castle doors and made their way up to Gryffindor Tower, the conversation never ebbing. They were laughing loudly as they climbed through the portrait hole and saw their friends sitting on a sofa.

Neither realized they were still holding hands, but Marlene McKinnon's eyes widened slightly and she held out a hand which Sirius Black surreptitiously shook. They both smirked and turned away quickly to hide their knowing smiles.

Lily sat down on an armchair and made room for James, who sat beside her. Yes, Lily thought, glancing at the black-haired boy beside her, she wouldn't mind James being in her future at all.


End file.
